Deciding whether to intervene in a parent’s or spouse’s life is difficult. The emotional bonds of love and respect are immensely strong – the historic relationship of parent and child, husband and wife make conversations about care and support complicated.
Most conversations around help to stay at home end with “I’m fine; I’m coping very well thank you.”
You may have had wonderful past discussions with your parent or spouse about options for the future including moving in with your family or potentially moving to residential care when they no longer feel safe at home.
That may have been some time ago but now they are refusing to leave home for your house or to move into an assisted living facility. They say to you, “I’m staying right here in my own home until something happens that proves I need to move”.
You’re thinking something has already happened: they keep losing weight, aren’t always clean, and don’t seem interested in activities with friends anymore. How do you know if they are tired and eats less because they are 85 or because they need help but won’t ask for it?
Changes are expected and acceptable as we age; intervention is necessary when the changes are unexpected and unacceptable. The problem is, in most cases, that it is all left to the last minute. Conversations about the future and options to help manage aging are hard to have. The result is that most families only look for help when something bad happens. A fall, or a diagnosis, or the onset of dementia most often act as a trigger for the family to intervene – but by then it is often too late. When your Mum is in hospital and medical advice is that she cannot return home, options become very limited – and expensive.
These guidelines can help judge if your parent is at risk or safe and enjoying their quality of life, even if their way of doing things differs from what you’d like/expect them to do:
• We would expect an 85-year-old to have less energy than a 75-year-old. However, losing interest in the
family they love would be unexpected.
• If Mum or your partner has been ill or is frail, we would expect their social life to diminish. If they have been
active and are suddenly too weak or tired to go out, that’s unexpected and they are at risk for depression
caused by isolation.
• If their weight has been steady for years, we would expect them to maintain a similar weight and appetite.
A loss of 5+ kgs is unexpected and may be caused by depression, confusion (forgetting to eat); dental
problems that cause pain when they eat, or other serious issues.
• If their personal hygiene patterns have remained the same for years, we would expect them to continue
their grooming. An unexpected change signifies potential problems like cognitive impairment or fear of
bathing with no one around to help if they fall.
• Aches and pains in joints may make them less inclined to get up and about. Exercise may be painful and
doing simple tasks like pulling on a jumper become major exercises.
• Reticence to go out shopping or visit a friend or participate in a once favourite activity points to a lack of
confidence. This may be caused by fear of being out alone unaided. Plus, the difficulty of using public
transport may be a major inhibitor.
These possibilities all point toward your Mum, Dad or partner needing help. The reality is that these changes need
a coordinated response which includes you, your family, the family GP, and your local home care company. Begin with a complete home and medical assessment to determine the cause of these “unexpected & unacceptable” changes.
Talk about options to help your Mum or Dad or partner to stay safely at home for as long as possible.
Work at ways of putting back what is missing or things that have stopped happening. Companies like Right at Home can help coordinate all of this.
If your Mum or Dad or partner is showing these sorts of changes – don’t leave it to the last minute. Be proactive. A little bit of help can keep people safe and independent in their home – pretty much for ever. Right at Home is a full-service homecare company offering companionship, personal care, skilled nursing services, domestic assistance, transport, and shopping. We also provide post-hospital, transitional care, and respite care.
Call Right at Home for a free home care assessment by one of our Registered Nurses. With 33 offices throughout NSW, QLD and WA, Right at Home is ready to help. Right at Home’s mission is to ‘improve the quality of life for those we serve’. Don’t put up with sub-standard care. Switch to Right at Home today. Call 1300 363 802 to reach your local office.
Right at Home Australia is your local expert for issues related to caring for your loved one and is dedicated to keeping you informed about home care. Right at Home offers in-home nursing, care and assistance so your loved one can continue living independently and enjoying a vibrant life. Our nurses and caregivers are screened, trained, and insured prior to entering your home so you can trust us with the caregiving while you focus on your loved one.
Right at Home is an approved provider under the Aged Care Act providing care under government funded homecare packages from levels one through to four we also provide care for private pay clients. We do not charge admin fees, exit or subscription fees so you get more care hours from your budget. We are contactable 24/7 and can provide support overnight if required. If you wish to read more informative articles on homecare and ageing, go to our Blog and sign up for our newsletter.
